Day #5: The lost letter…Bus Stop 25.

As I exit the bus, a heavy downpour begins – typical. I start to take a brisk walk towards my Uni flat. I can’t wait to travel back home and finally use my car again. I hate buses.

I’ve only taken a few steps, and a battered piece of A4 paper hits my ankle and I try to shake it off – I pause for a second to realise there’s smudged handwriting on the other side.

Curious, I kneel down to pick it up, turn back round to the bus shelter, and begin to read:

“To the girl at Bus Stop 25: Hi there. I know this is strange and abrupt but I think you are beautiful. I’ve seen you a couple of times. I am quite shy, 25 years old and I wear a brown leather jacket. I didn’t want to alarm you and scare you off so I thought this pathetic letter would work best. I am moving away next week, so I will no longer be getting on this bus, so I hope to see you again for the final time. Perhaps we could go for a coffee? Unless you prefer tea… I will regret it deeply if I never got to know you. See you same time next week perhaps? At bus stop 25?”

This letter seems rushed. Maybe he wrote it quickly whilst he was on the same bus as her. I look up and I see that this is Bus Stop 25. Even though I have been getting on this bus for the last month during work experience, I’ve never stopped to notice the number. I suddenly feel a rush of guilt – worried for this man, concerned and sad that this girl never received the letter in my hands. However, did she read it and then discard it in the street uninterested? Did he place this letter in her bag too loosely?

This could have gone either way, and I don’t know how old this letter is – but I really hope that they did meet up in the end. I carry on walking home, helpless. I wish I didn’t care so much, but I know deep down I will always wonder whether these two ever met.

I feel bad keeping hold of this letter, as I will never know who to give it to. I have a sad feeling it may already be too late, but I still take the risk and keep it to see if I can spot this young guy tomorrow. When was “same time next week?” I wish he’d put a date at the top of the damn note…He didn’t even leave his name!

For the next week, I subtly look among the crowd of people at the bus stop for a man with a dark brown jacket. A man who looks lost, waiting for this girl to notice him. Alas, no where to be seen. Perhaps he’s gone already. I also finish University next week after work experience, so I will never be coming back to this bus stop again. I see this as a challenge before I finally leave this place.

Come to think of it I do have flashbacks of a dark-haired young man on a bus wearing this type of jacket; we exchanged an awkward smile once, but he didn’t seem that keen and looked down again. Another time was when he picked up a few of my documents when I clumsily dropped them on the floor. I remember quickly saying thank-you and he exchanged with a quick nod before we walked our separate ways.

All of a sudden, my heart sank…

Day 5 assignment of Writing 101. Be Brief. This ended up being exactly 600 words. Not very brief. I got carried away and quite emotional writing this, even though it’s fictional… http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_assignment/writing-101-day-five/

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4 thoughts on “Day #5: The lost letter…Bus Stop 25.

  1. This was a fun twist on the prompt we were given! I do have a few comments.

    The first thing I noticed was the phrasing in this part of the letter, “I am quite shy, 25 years old and I wear a brown leather jacket” I don’t know anyone that would write that about themselves in this kind of situation, specifically the age bit.

    This is another sentence that could use some revision: “This letter seems rushed.” As is this sentence is probably meant to be a thought (?) if this is the case I would probably have put the thought in italics. This is a thing a lot of writers do to make it clear that this is what the narrator/characters are thinking. If it wasn’t a thought in the moment then it should probably be phrased, “This letter seemed rushed.”

    Over all I feel like this story would have benefited from a little bit more context and some work could be done on the tenses.To give you an idea of what I’m talking about read this sentence again, “Come to think of it I do have flashbacks of a dark-haired young man…” When did the character realize this? Were they leaving for home? It’s also confusing in terms of tenses because that is a very present-tense kind of statement. Yet you followed it up with “All of a sudden, my heart sank…” Instead of saying something like, “All of a sudden I feel my hear sinking…” Which implied your heart had already sank.

    I hope that all made sense. Overall it was a very good idea but the execution could use some re-working. 🙂 Happy writing!

    • Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it and I do agree. However, I did only write this in an hour and just went for it. I didn’t take time to study the piece in depth and used it more as free writing.
      If I did take a lot of time writing it then I probably would have focused more on the tenses and context. This story did have to be very brief, therefore I have exceeded my word count by a fair amount.
      I will take your advice into consideration, and I will revise the story tomorrow.

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