You know when you get that overwhelming sense that the world is on your shoulders?… That sense that you just can’t seem to shake off? Yep, I felt that yesterday evening.
Just to clarify – I hardly ever get that lonely feeling, as I am pretty confident and out-going and also happy to spend time with myself. However, yesterday i found it bloody hard to be content with my own company.
Usually I am absolutely fine and just get on with reading, blogging, watching TV, sorting my life out, planning my future, emails, completing to-do lists, cleaning etc.
Even though I had a lovely lunch and catch up visiting my grandparents – my best friend was busy with her boyfriend, my other bestie was busy with her boyfriend, my younger sister was at a spa getaway with her boyfriend, my Mum was on holiday with her bestie, and my Dad was just about to leave for work. Then there was me, watching Hollyoaks (which was my guilty pleasure of an escapism) and holding up the single card waiting for a small violin to play just for me.
Whoever I was reaching out to didn’t seem that interested. Usually I don’t care as I may not show much interest back when I am content, but yesterday I thought to myself – “If I jetted off to Australia right now, would anyone actually notice?”
Part of me thinks it’s a good thing that I have made myself slightly distant with everyone, as there will not be a huge amount of heartbreak when I leave, apart from missing my family immensely of course. I need to get used to this, as I reckon I will feel lonely at least once when I’m on the other side of the planet for over a year.
All I was longing for yesterday was a small text, just to know someone was thinking about me. This feeling only lasted an hour or so luckily and it soon passed, but I do feel very sorry for people who may have no-one left in their lives.