The downward spiral of being the ‘bit on the side’…

Sometimes in life you want to prevent complications – and when it comes to love/relationships, countless things can happen. One of them is when you become a ‘bit on the side.’ All in all you’re probably cool about it because it prevents it getting too personal, but soon enough you may realise that it’s going to turn into a downward spiral of you feeling rather shit about yourself…

Feeling like you’re their last resort is somewhat unsatisfying. You know in the back of your mind that they are secretly waiting for the next best thing, so for the time being, you will have to do.

Here are some signs that you are probably a ‘bit on the side.’ —

  • You’ve contacted them (i.e. text them) and it’s getting a little too frustrating that they are taking so long to contact you back. You make excuses in your head that they are at work or they are simply busy, but clearly they are not that interested. They will soon contact you – at their convenience.
  • You are careful with what you say on your text, so you won’t push them away even further. Even though you were trying so hard not to contact them and forget it, your fingers automatically type in ‘Hey, how are you? What have you been up to today? Haven’t heard from you in a while! Hi stranger!’ – oops. You’re probably desperate to type ‘miss you.’ This is weakness if you know you are someone they can easily brush off.
  • You’re actually ignoring all those who do give a shit about you! You forget to contact your friends, your loved ones, maybe even that other guy/girl who’s nice to you and puts you first! Focus on others, instead of waiting for this particular person to show interest – you may be waiting a while.
  • You only want them more because your challenging yourself to make them want you and only you. What if they did show interest all them time? Would you feel the same way as you do now? – Think about it.
  • You’re probably talking to them right now, pretending it’s all normal and there’s nothing on your mind, whereas deep down there is so much you want to say, and it’s frustrated you and has caused you to feel anger towards them. However, heaven forbid you speak your mind, as they can walk out of your life – a little too easily…
  • This person will throw meaningless words at you with out thinking of the consequences. They will say these kind, manipulative words just to keep you there when they want you. What about when you want to see them? – Nope, the cold shoulder and lame excuses will arise. It’s all a one way street here.
  • They know you will come running to them even if they haven’t contacted you for a month! They’re bored, they know you’re always there ready. That does not mean you’re all they’re thinking about…
  • When they say they have made plans and cancel you at short notice -sometimes they have a decent reason, but make sure you listen to the reason because that’s where they often slip up. In most cases, they may end up seeing someone else who they wanted to see before you.
  • You’re probably feeling lustful and infatuated with this person because they’ve previously given you a good time and did once make you feel good. Even if it may be blowing over for them – all those feelings are still there and building up inside because you simply just want to see them or talk to them. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as it was before.
  • You have that sinking feeling of knowing you’re not the only one they’re talking to…

Here is what to do —

  • STOP sending pathetic desperate texts/ making pointless phonecalls.
  • Focus on people who do like you, care about you, and won’t treat you as their last resort.
  • Once you stop contacting them, they may soon realise what they’re missing and make an effort for you… If not, then this is a good step to help you move on and forget about them, as soon enough it’ll get much easier. You will laugh about this sooner or later, trust me.
  • Erase this negativity that’s taking over you. This is making you feel like crap – no one should EVER settle for second best!
  • Think about who you’d loose and how little you will gain. Making this person your priority is not a good idea.
  • Even if you stay friends, it’ll get easier and the frustration will fizzle out. Something may even develop out of it. You never know. Be the stronger person and find other distractions to take you away from this destructive spiral of being the ‘bit on the side.’

drew barrymore quote


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